How Misato Saved Christmas
by ficlord
Summary: NERV celebrates Christmas, and all seems to be well, until they realize that their celebration is missing a valuable ingredient. Can Misato save the day? Brief; originally written for friends during the holidays. Oneshot of total crack.


I have no claim to the rights for Neon Genesis Evangelion. This is fanfiction.

Νηον Γενεσις Ευαγγηλιον:

How Misato Saved Christmas

The railings of Central Dogma were decorated in greenery and Christmas ornament ball thingies, which probably have a proper name but I'm not sure what it is. The technicians all wore papier-mâché reindeer horns, and Maya even had a little red ball attached to the end of her nose. With the help of a few faceless red-shirts supporting their ladders, Dr. Akagi and Fuyuutsuki hung a banner reading "Merry Christmas!" across the vast control center. Stockings were hung on the Magi with care, in the hopes that no angels would be infiltrating there.

Gendo sat in the same sinister stance, his hands folded across his face, his eyes hidden behind his tinted glasses – except today he wore a Santa hat, drooping across his left ear. Perhaps the Santa hat was not happy to be there.

Maya said, "Looks like everybody's here. Except Misato."

Akagi blinked in surprise as she stepped down from the latter. "Really? Misato's missing?" Akagi said. "Who'd think she'd be late for a party?"

"I wonder what she's doing, sensei," Maya said, gazing up at Akagi adoringly.

Akagi shrugged as she cleaned her glasses. "It _is _Christmas Eve. She's probably out doing something with _Kaji_."

"Who's doing what with me?" Kaji asked as he rolled out a table with some homemade Christmas sweets, including a white sponge cake frosted in whip cream and covered with strawberries. Next to that were trays piled with candy canes, gingerbread, and rosettes. Upon seeing these wonders of sweetness, the women rushed to the table, forgetting their diets for the sake of the holiday season.

"Fuyuutsuki made the rosettes," Kaji said.

Everyone looked at the sub-commander, surprised at this revelation concerning his cooking expertise.

"What?" Fuyuutsuki retorted. "It isn't Christmas without that classic Scandinavian sweet known as the rosette."

Kaji bit into a rosette, crunching himself into a sugary nirvana. "Mmm…."

But then Aoba shouted, "Hey! Where's the alcohol?"

And then suddenly everyone realized what their Christmas party was missing, that special something to lighten the mood and loosen tongues. It was the kami that makes the Japanese outgoing and uninhibited. It was the best ingredient for a party to make you closer to your friends in ways you probably didn't want to be. What they lacked… was the _alcohol!_

Makoto gasped in shock. Fuyuutsuki gripped his chest, as though afraid his aging heart would burst. Maya looked helplessly up at Akagi, while Akagi kept as stern and cool as she could in this desperate situation. Kaji cried bitterly and wiped his tears on his shirtsleeves – almost as though he were a scorned lover in the classic novel the _Tale of Genji_. Gendo said nothing, did nothing – and yet, somehow, the Santa hat he wore seemed even more despondent than it ever had before.

And then the door burst open, and out came a purple-haired captain with three pilots in tow, and they were all bearing bottles and cases and a keg.

"Hello, everybody!" Misato chimed. "I've brought _sake!"_

"What about the beer?" Akagi asked.

"Like _I'd _forget the beer," Misato snorted. "There's Yebisu and Asahi Super-Dry!"

"Wow, thanks Misato!" Makoto said, bowing low.

"Yeah!" Aoba said, grabbing a six-pack for himself. "You've saved Christmas!"

"Here," Misato said, handing Maya two bottles and two cartons. "You can mix the eggnog and the brandy."

"Sure thing, Misato!" she replied.

"Um… Misato?" Shinji said, tugging on Misato's shirtsleeves. "We're not old enough to be drinking."

"Oh yeah," Misato said. "That's right. Why don't you kids go back to the apartment and have a little threesome of your own?"

Asuka took Shinji by one arm while Rei took him by the other.

"C'mon," Asuka said. "I'm going to introduce the two of you to a very special Christmas dish I learned to make back in Germany."

"W-what?" Shinji asked. "What are you talking about?"

And Rei inquired, "Shinji, do you not know the best way to celebrate Christmas in Japan?" She smiled. "Even _I_ know."

Shinji was helpless as the two female pilots pulled him away from the party – helpless, but not exactly unwilling, either.

"Kampai, everyone!" Misato cheered, raising a glass, and all the adults whooped and hollered and shoved down their first drinks of the night – except Gendo. At least, he didn't whoop and holler – but his cup of eggnog appeared to be just a hairline lower than it was a few seconds ago. His Santa cap also seemed to be having a good time.

And then the entire caste turned to the camera, and Misato gave this parting message to all you viewers out there: "May you all have a Merry Christmas – Japanese-style!"


End file.
